RICKSTER IS THE COLUMNIST FOR THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION, "THE SOMERS RECORD"

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Friday, May 5, 2017

A NARRATION OF AN INAUGURATION

SPECIAL TO THE SOMERS RECORD (02-02-17)

     Last Friday millions, possibly thousands, looked on as America installed its 45th president. With all the pomp and circumstance Washington could muster, a full day of activities highlighted a peaceful transfer of power in the world's premier democracy.

     Clerics from several different faiths offered words of prayer, but they all said pretty much the same thing: "God help us." A chorus performed an inspiring original piece. Then Senator Chuck Schumer offered some historical insights. When he found out the oath of office had to be administered before noon, he started to filibuster by backing up the history lesson to Adam and Eve. Finally, the new president was sworn in, using two bibles in case one was not enough. I did some swearing myself.

     Was Trump's speech unifying? That's what all the television commentators wanted to know. Some said it was unifying, and others said it was not unifying. They were not unified as to whether the address was unifying, so I guess it was not, which violates the "One America" policy.

     Melania Trump looked graceful and radiant, buttoned up in a stylish blue outfit that appeared to be designed to ward off any possibility of air. I don't know a whole lot about her, but she is reputed to be highly intelligent and can speak seven languages. I'm guessing she knows the word "miserable" in all of them.

     She has that same look on her face that my mother did when people would ask her what Rick was working on in the basement, and she replied that I got a chemistry set for my 14th birthday. I might be working on a cure for cancer, but more than likely I was down there trying to figure out ways to blow stuff up. Melania looks like she was wishing it was only a chemistry set that Donald had got his hands on.

     Former President Obama sat watching the inaugural address as Trump excoriated just about everyone within a three hundred-foot radius, and looked like he sat on a thumbtack.

     The day after the inauguration, President Trump was angry that the crowd assembled for the inauguration was not as big as Obama's, and he lashed out at the media for gleefully pointing it out. It's possible that many people showed up at the National Mall expecting that there would be a food court there, with a Chipotle's or at least a Banana Republic, and left when they found out that there wasn't.

     Newly inaugurated President Trump has already been able to fulfill the most important of the short-term goals on his agenda, which is to be the president with the most tweets. On his first day in office he amassed more tweets than all of his predecessors put together. This should have made him happy, but quite the opposite seems to be true; he has ended all of his messages with the word, "SAD!" Perhaps if he added a smiley face he wouldn't be so glum.

     All of them could take a lesson from presidential advisor Kellyanne Conway, who flaunts the mien of a patient undergoing root canal treatments, and is yet enjoying it thoroughly. Since she does smile a lot, the root canal treatments were worth it.
 

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