RICKSTER IS THE COLUMNIST FOR THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION, "THE SOMERS RECORD"

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Friday, February 8, 2019

IN EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (10-04-18)

     Local business is the economic driver that keeps most towns moving. Entrepreneur Magazine says that small businesses provide 60 to 80 percent of all U.S. jobs. And last Saturday they got a chance to meet their customers at Celebrate Somers Day, set up by the Chamber of Commerce. The Towne Center was closed to traffic, and booths were set up so that proprietors and staff could schmooze a little and explain what they do. You think Jeff Bezos is going to set up an Amazon booth for you to wander up to him and complain that the banana slicer you ordered doesn't work, even though it got four stars?

     That reminds me, I wonder if Somers is in the running for this Amazon second headquarters that I've heard so much about. I'm not sure why you need two headquarters unless you have two heads. Even actual quarters only have one head. If they must have a second headquarters, I suppose they could order one on Amazon. Nevertheless, mayors all over the country have been making videos that show them groveling and whining that their city should be the one to host the new facility, even though they seem unable to operate a camcorder. Why not have the second headquarters in the Amazon Jungle itself? I guess it might not be a good idea, especially if I order a package and a poisonous frog or some damn thing jumps out and bites me while I'm trying to get that banana slicer to work. If Somers does become the second headquarters for Amazon it would be SUPER convenient to order something, then just go over and pick it up. It would be like having local businesses, right HERE in town!

     Well, we already have them, and they were on display amid a record turnout. Gidget, the self-proclaimed Cutest Dog in the World, accompanied me as we walked around and enjoyed the beautiful sunny afternoon. You can't get too far with Gidget without a little girl coming up to pet her. "Does she bite?" I always ask their Moms, but the kids are pretty well-behaved.

     The Somers Boosters were there, as well as the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts. I was never a Boy Scout OR a Girl Scout, and as a result I fell behind on a lot of basic skills. For example, when it came time for me to get married it took me ten years to tie the knot, because I didn't have any training in it. Near the DJ there was an adorable group of really tiny cheerleaders running a pretty complicated routine. The football team that went with them was apparently so small they weren't even visible to the naked eye. Then the Irish step dancers performed, and I couldn't see them over the crowd so I asked the Somers Boosters to give me a lift up. Then somebody came over collecting for a 50/50 raffle, but they stalked off when I wanted them to pay for 50 percent of the ticket.

     Somers Pediatric Dentistry was there, as well as Somers Smiles. There was a loose tooth walking around, and I thought it might be mine, because I lost one when I was six and I never found it. I tried to catch it because I never got my twenty-five cents from the tooth fairy, but I was a whole lot faster at age six.

     Arnie from the Somers Historical Society was there with a 1917 Model T Ford from the Wright Reis Collection. It's amazing to study the car and see that everything that a car has now, this car had then, except you didn't have to wade through a half hour of touch screens to get to it. I don't get along too well with Fords right now anyway. My wife has one, and if you put your foot under the rear tailgate it lifts up automatically, and automatically hits you in the face. While you are putting in the groceries, it automatically shuts six inches and hits you in the back of the head. It's a real time-saver once you clear concussion protocols. Anyway, the Model T was impressive, but the parking space was even more impressive; I had to park over at Fireman's Field.

     I thought I heard some rumbling from the rumble-seat, but it turned out to be my stomach. Fratelli's had a pizza stand going, Mama Rosa's was serving some samples and there was a Road Grub truck and some other food vendors around. DiCicco's had a booth set up, and they said they'd be up and running mid-December or so. I can't wait, because every time my wife buys chicken from the supermarket, there's always one or two pieces that have a rubbery taste to them. Rubber chickens may work well in comedy, but not in francese.

     The Somers Democrats were there, as were the Somers Republicans. If it was up to me, I would have located the pizza stand right between the two, so all of a sudden two ends of the political spectrum are talking again and BOOM- the Nobel Peace Prize goes to: Rick Melén. I'd like to thank the Nobel committee for this prize. No purchase is required, right? I understand that some of the world's problems are too tough to solve with an ordinary slice of pizza, and for those you need to order extra cheese.
 

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