A WHOLE NEW BALLGAME

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (04-29-21)- Please remember small business in your town during this coronavirus pandemic

     Baseball is only one sport of many that will be navigating the tricky waters of a post-covid reality as more and more people get vaccinated, but not all. Since I love the game, let's examine the ramifications of the virus on this sport, and we can extrapolate them to the larger socioeconomic patterns that we will be confronting in the coming months. All this is a nice way of saying that the Yankees suck right now. Going into 2021 Major League Baseball has adopted some guidelines to make the game as safe as possible, and they reflect the attitudes Americans have toward health policies, the re-opening and sports in general.

     Before the start of the season, each Major League ballclub had to designate an "Infection Control Prevention Coordinator." This should be someone in the organization whom everyone already hates. "Hey boss, I think you're going to like what we've done so far. Not only did we PREVENT infection control, but we COORDINATED it! I think even you would agree that this new job title has elevated me to my best self!"

     There are more rules: 1.) You should lather up with hand sanitizer before you punch out the water cooler after a strikeout. 2.) If you're ordered to quarantine at home, at least move to the side so the batter can hit. 3.) Players may not visit bars, indoor gatherings of more than 10 people or attend other potentially dangerous social situations such as giving an ocelot a bath. 4.) Stadiums must be limited to 20 percent capacity. If you are a fan of the Tampa Bay Rays, this will not affect you very much, as that number is about a 10 percent increase from their usual attendance.

     In extra innings, each team starts play with a guy on second base. How did he get there? No one seems to know. Having a guy at second is the worst thing that could happen to the Yankees, who never hit with runners in scoring position. The Yankees would have a better chance of scoring if they started the inning with a runner stuck in traffic on the Triborough Bridge. If a double-header is scheduled, both games will be shortened to seven innings, because everyone knows most covid infections occur in the 8th and 9th innings. 

     No one really knows what to do during a pandemic, and the sports world is no different. In New York State you don't have to wear a mask if you are eating at a table in a restaurant, or if you're playing professional baseball, or if you're playing professional baseball at a table in a restaurant. The manager has his on in the dugout to set a good example. He pulls his mask down to yell at the player who just ran through the third base coach's stop sign, but don't worry, he pulls it up again when no one is around to talk to. Some players are concerned about variants. What if my coronavirus mutates into a chronic hamstring injury while I'm not looking? There are often cardboard cutouts of celebrities, fans and pets that are set up to fill the seats in the stands. Can the coronavirus live on cardboard? If so, it would be an embarrassing way to catch the disease.

     One of the Yankees was recently scratched from play and penciled onto the "Cannot Play Because of Covid" list. Turns out he didn't even have covid, he just had side effects from getting his vaccination. I had side effects after I got my shot, some achy chills and fatigue, nothing worse than if I just played three sets of tennis, sat through an entire poetry reading, had a coffee urn drop on my head and fell in love. It's nothing that would keep you out of a game in any other sport but baseball, or possibly chess.

     But that's what we're dealing with at the moment. Major League baseball says that they will revisit and possibly change any of these rules, either if circumstances warrant or if everyone finds out that they are dumb. They say that hitting is contagious. If so, I urge all the Yankees to remove their masks and wash their hands while singing "Happy Birthday" only ONCE.