A FELINE SIDELINE

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (06-19-25)

    My wife has embarked upon a retirement job as a volunteer greeter for the SPCA. It's a great way to meet other animal lovers. But it's an important job, because that is the first face that potential adopters will see. Words of encouragement, some explanation of the processes and the availability of potential companions help to grease the wheels of a successful match. 

     She wants to eventually become a "cat cuddler," which you have to undergo a separate training session for. I've had experience with the subject myself, and sometimes my cat and I have different ideas of what constitutes cuddling, and what we expect to happen immediately afterward. For instance, if you're a cat I might give you a little stroke on the top of the head, and you might close your eyes, signifying that you have other things to do. So I might give you a little tap on the nose, and you give me a little nip on the finger as if to say, "that was my NOSE." But I ignore that, knowing that you're just toying with me, as a mobster toys with an informant. And I give you a little caress under your chin at the same time that I give you a little tug on your ear, and you're not sure which one to believe, so you lay a few outstretched claws on my wrist, as if to say, OH sorry, ha, ha, I didn't know those were loaded, and I say, oh, look at you! You want to play, don't you! And you say Yes, I would love to play- by the way, who is your primary care provider? And this goes on for a while until one of you falls asleep and the other is Googling "what gets out blood stains." If it was me I would begin the training with a lesson on how to cuddle a cat after placing him in a half-nelson, but let's not start off on the wrong foot. At the SPCA they know a thing or two more than I do.

     Yes they do. They have plenty of resources to help ensure that your new friend's adjustment into your family is smooth and drama-free. For instance, I learned on their site that cats have an extensive vocabulary. A "meow" might mean many different things, such as "feed me," "pet me" or "let me out," and they can translate these phrases into several languages. "Meow" is also the word they use for "ubiquitous." Oddly enough, according to the resource material, cats do not meow at other cats.

     At times there may be more exotic friends waiting to meet you at the Rescue Center. Hip-Hop, the rabbit was adopted. They thought he would be easily placed at Easter time, but maybe it's all for the best that he wasn't, with all those chocolate bunnies around. "Psst. HEY: Brown bunny. What the hell happened to your ears?" "What did you say?" There was also a lizard who recently found a loving family to call his own. My wife said someone finally adopted the three-legged cat that was there. Perhaps they had already adopted another leg somewhere else?

     She said that a woman came in who wanted a cat, and said she was a great owner because she "works her pets pretty hard." What do you mean, works them pretty hard? I had a vision of a team of cats, yoked together to till the fields, only they're each pulling toward a bird in a different direction, and only one square inch gets plowed. But it was nothing like that; she apparently has a device that illuminates a different light when the cat steps on it, based on his own needs. It might say, "dinner" or "treat" or "pats" or "play." I figure that when the cat becomes smart enough to rewire a button that says, "I'd just like to be left alone," her job will be done.

     The facility has all kinds of outreach and off-site programs, like Puppy Yoga. If a puppy demonstrates how to do a "downward dog" position, you should listen. The dogs travel to concerts, street fairs and events all around Westchester. 

     There are all kinds of ways you could talk yourself out of a wonderful friendship with someone who really needs you. Maybe you don't have the time. If you took a few hours away from doom-scrolling each day, you'd be surprised how things might open up. Maybe you're not ready for an emotional commitment. Which makes me think you might want to cut some of the Kardashians out of your life. You could "Adopt-A-Highway," of course, but when it jumps up onto your lap, you'll wish you took in a nice tabby instead. 

     Animals didn't ask to be domesticated, and they certainly didn't ask to be abandoned. That's not entirely true, mine have made that wish abundantly clear at times. But the fact remains that there are too many animals searching for a "forever home." How can YOU help? There are many ways, even if you're not ready to adopt. Besides monetary gifts, the SPCA accepts food and medications, treats, toys and carriers. There are a variety of ways to donate your time as well; they're always looking for people to help exercise or socialize the animals. As Lisa from the Center notes, "It doesn't have to be a long-term relationship...." Good, you say, because I just broke up with a guy who slobbered, barked at me, begged for food and sometimes chewed furniture, and I just got new furniture.

     You and your new rescue pet are bound to have many satisfying years together. The SPCA can help you find the perfect match, and make the transition so smooth you may not even know you're being rescued.