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Monday, May 16, 2016



      I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some warm weather, and I know it wants to get here soon. But we're sending mixed signals- as I drive around Somers I see that there are many people proudly sporting their Christmas lights. If you are one of those people, and you already have your Christmas tree lit up for next year, I couldn't be more impressed with your alacrity and zeal. This is certainly a great time to rejoice in the upcoming holiday season. However, if you simply forgot to take the lights down, there may be a whole lot of other things you probably forgot to do, things that don't light up to remind you. I would start with last year's taxes.

      I'm hoping that global warming will raise our temperatures in time for Easter Sunday. It would be a welcome change from the nor'Easter Sunday we had a couple years ago. How do we know that spring is finally here? There are many signs, for those of us who are highly attuned to the rhythms of nature. Frogs are croaking, crocuses are crocusing. Today I heard the lovely call of the Eastern bluebird. It actually turned out to be somebody's cell phone, but the cell phone at least was blue. The tweeting of birds is everywhere, although somewhat drowned out by the tweeting of Donald Trump. 

      What is that springtime refrain I hear? Is it the praying mantis, sounding his mating signal? No, it's me sneezing incessantly. I am allergic to tree pollen, bush pollen, shrub pollen, cactus pollen and actress Tracy Pollan. The fact that I can sneeze 20 times in a row while completing the Sunday Times crossword puzzle is nothing to sneeze at. Come to think of it I may also be allergic to Will Shortz.

      I don't know how the tree pollen gets into my house in the first place- I dead-bolt the doors every spring and never open them unless I see two forms of ID, and I don't have any trees in my house. I do have a small cactus, which I have been trying to kill for three years by not watering it. Not only is that not working, but it has grown a new shoot in the middle that makes it look like like it's trying to communicate something to me in sign language.

      Another rite of spring: green food in the cafeteria where I work. It's disturbing to see green pizza, and I complain to the food service manager, assuming that it's been there for a few weeks. Of course, I had forgotten that it was St. Patrick's day, and everything is green whether you like it or not. I do not. I don't even like the fact that some vegetables are green in the first place. Even the cauliflower was green this year, thanks to a twitter campaign: #cauliflowersowhite

      And take a look over there, it's the colorful cardinal, showing off his plumage to attract a mate! All I know is that if I wore a bright red suit with a lot of feathers, mating season would be a whole lot different, certain questions would be asked, and possibly some Streisand music would be involved. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't need a lot of surprises during mating season.

      Everybody's mood has lifted with the spring thaw. Except my boss- I forgot to set my clock ahead this year and my alarm didn't go off in time. It's not totally my fault- some clocks in the house change automatically, like the computers and the cable TV, some things don't, and some I already changed THEN they sprung ahead automatically. Luckily, I have a biological clock that goes off around June.

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