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Friday, October 14, 2016



     Last week it was time for the Democrats to have their say. Hillary Clinton energized the party by choosing her running mate. To capture the chemistry of the moment, she did it through Twitter, tweeting, "I'm thrilled to announce my running mate, @TimKaine...." She went on to say that she has known him for a long time, and that they are such good friends that she often calls him "@Tim," and sometimes just "@."

     When they appeared together, they showed perfect unity by conversing in two different languages. He spoke fluent Spanish to the crowd, and she smiled, hoping that he wasn't saying anything unflattering about her hair, which he would have had every right to do. Her eyes lit up when he said something that sounded like "burrito."

     They gaveled in the convention by accusing the Russians of stealing their emails and publishing them. What they should have said was the the Russians also wrote them. Every time I send an email at work that somebody might not like, I always sign "Vladimir Putin" at the bottom, in case it doesn't go over too well.

     The proceedings started with some disunity, to be sure. Bernie Sanders supporters were so disappointed that Bernie Sanders wasn't going to be their nominee, that they even booed Bernie Sanders, for not being their nominee. It seemed like they had just found this out, and they booed everything that happened from then on. It was a little like a Knicks game.

     Michelle Obama delivered a rousing and emotional speech that set the tone. If Melania Trump liked the one in 2008, she's going to LOVE this one. I don't know if Mrs. Trump is going to be speaking anytime soon, but if she happens to mention that she has two black daughters playing on the White House lawn, it would make me suspicious.

     Vice President Joe Biden used words like "malarkey" to show that Donald Trump is out of touch with the times. He then warned the delegates not to take any wooden nickels.

     When it came time for Hillary's speech I braced myself. Whenever she talks in front of large groups, she tends to raise her voice as she gets more excited, and it sounds like she is yelling at me for not cleaning my room. And as a result, even when she is in the middle of an oration about the economy, or foreign policy, I go and clean my room, and then I can't find anything for two weeks.

     If Secretary Clinton is elected she will have to overcome an appalling lack of any sense of fashion. One outfit she has worn appeared to be similar to the uniform of the Communist Party from the 1950s. Another time she wore an orange ensemble that made her look like she was incarcerated in a pumpkin patch. Once she wore what looked like really uncomfortable pajamas and a hat. If you need one reason to vote for Hillary Clinton, consider this: these clothes MUST be confined to the White House. If she loses the election she will probably donate them to charity, and we will be forced to feel sorry for underprivileged ladies wearing $22,000 designer pants suits. If there isn't an organization called "Clothing for the Blind," perhaps there should be.

     I don't have a crystal ball, and I can't tell you if Hillary Clinton and @TimKaine will be elected in the fall. And if I could see into the future, I would be concentrating on whether the Giants look like they finally have a running game or not. But I do know that if Hillary Clinton is president next year, my room will be a whole lot cleaner.


  1. I vote for this one! Great piece, Rick.

  2. Thanks Ed! American politics sure would be funnier if they weren't so scary!