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Wednesday, December 28, 2016



     We went to see the Bangles recently at the Ridgefield Playhouse, and it was quite a blast from the past. I'm willing to settle for that since I rarely get a blast from the future, and a blast from the present usually means I have to call the guy to fix the boiler.

     There was an opening act that seemed pretty good. They had a guitarist, a drummer and a singer. You could also hear bass and keyboards, even though there was nobody else on stage. Where were they that was so important? They had literally mailed it in. It was like Karaoke, only without having to hear "Summer Nights" sung off key.

     The singer was apparently going through some issues, and he brought out his Mom and Dad, who stood there for a song or two, beaming with pride. At the end  she gave him a hug and some words of encouragement. Do you want to know what MY Mom would have said? She would have said, "Honey, does it have to be so LOUD? Also, you make a funny face when you play the drums."

     Then the Bangles came out. They are an all-girl band that was super-popular in the '80s and '90s. One of their big hits, "Walk Like an Egyptian," wasn't their own song, and they didn't want to do it, but it turned out pretty well for them. I can't imagine that Egyptians thought it was too amusing, since it caused people to wander around with their opposite palms facing up and down for no good reason. Thank goodness people didn't try to drive like an Egyptian or worse, swim like one, since they could have drowned like an Egyptian.

     The band's name was originally The Bangs, but the record company made them change it. It turns out that record companies do not have a progressive attitude about women's hairstyles. Back in the '80s hair was so big and stiff because of the hairspray, and if you weren't careful, you could be pricked by somebody's curlicue.

     No one likes to see photos of themselves from the '80s- every Bangles video featured clothes with HUGE shoulder pads. You can laugh about it now, but if somebody pops into your backfield on a weak-side safety blitz, you're going to wish you were back in the '80s with those big shoulder pads. A set of thigh pads and a flak jacket wouldn't hurt, either. That way, when your career is over, and people are saying, "Well, look how far the mighty have fallen!" you will not sustain any serious injuries from the fall, thanks to your shoulder pads.

     I admit that I was checking out the girls to see how well they've held up through the years (pretty well), which seems like a sexist thing to do. I know I should be concentrating on the music, but it wasn't me who told them to come out wearing mini-skirts, although if they had asked me I would have told them to. And in fairness, if Kieth Richards walked out in a mini-skirt, I would check out his legs, and it would probably take my mind off the fact that his face vaguely resembles Ty Cobb's fielder's mitt. And I certainly do not mean that as an insult to Ty Cobb's fielder's mitt.

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