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Friday, January 6, 2017



     Last Saturday I stopped by the Somers Community Day, which was put together by the Chamber of Commerce. To me, "Chamber of Commerce" sounds like a cold, dark place where businessmen might be being held against their will, with nothing to eat but some brochures. It reminds me of when I was a kid vacationing with my parents in Atlantic City, and we went to Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. I had to tolerate a bunch of boring wax figures of presidents and actors and entertainers until I got to the best part, the "Chamber of Horrors." Here was depicted all kinds of medieval torture, the hook, the rack, the wheel and all kinds of other nasty affairs, demonstrated in gruesome detail for people who just finished a corn dog and a funnel cake at the Steel Pier. It was a great place to take the little ones to show them how important it is to clean your room.Now, I'm not suggesting that the Chamber of Commerce is involved in any kind of torture, but it couldn't hurt to keep an eye on them. Anyway, it was a gorgeous, sunny day, and all the vendors were lined up in their booths, hanging out and talking to people. Some food vendors were set up selling pizza and other noshables.

     A local real estate company had a booth going. I have a lot of friends who sell real estate as a second job. People could be working as a rocket scientist, and it's surprising how many of them sell real estate on the side. "Which side?" I always ask, just to weed out the people who are just pretending to be rocket scientists.

     An octagonal play area was pretty popular with youngsters. I'm pretty sure it wasn't meant to look like an Ultimate Fighting arena, but I didn't notice any wagering or anything.

     There was an adorable demonstration of Irish dancing performed by some of the students from a local dance program. They clogged for a while, and at the end, everything was unclogged and there were no residual effects.

     There was a bouncy house going for kids to jump around in. It look like it was tied down pretty well- sometimes you see these videos of a bouncy house that gets blown into the air by a huge gust of wind, and it looks like a scene from "The Wizard of Oz." If I was a parent that would certainly scare me, but not as much as those flying monkeys.

     The Somers Democrats had a stall operating. The Somers Republicans presumably were at home quietly weeping.

     They had some carnival contests, like that basketball game where it seems as if the rim is only a quarter inch wider than the ball. I accused my eighth grade gym teacher of running the same type of scam, and I ended up in the principal's office. I almost convinced Mr. Allard that there is no way one kid could miss that many shots unless something was going on.

     A guy making balloon animals was a popular stop for kids. You could choose which animal you wanted, like a Chinese food menu. Thank god I don't have to make a living assembling balloon animals: "Would you like a snake or a worm?" That's pretty much my whole repertoire, then I keel over from hyperventilating after blowing up all the balloons. I guess I could always sell real estate on the side.

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