THECUTEST DOG INTHE WORLD

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (03-10-22)- Please remember small business in your town during this coronavirus pandemic

     This is nothing against your dog, whom I'm sure is a very nice dog, but my dog is the cutest dog in the land. Gidget is so good-looking that if she was an actress she would always be griping that she's not taken seriously and is never be considered for dog scientist-type roles because she is not "believable." If you look back on Racquel Welch's career, she was victimized by the same tye of bias and was never cast in dog scientist roles either.

     Kids love Gidget because she looks like a stuffed animal. "Can we pet your dog?" They ask. Moms are pretty good about teaching their kids to respect dogs and asking their owners if they're friendly. More often you should ask the dog if the owner is friendly. Gidget glances at Mom to try to ascertain if the kids are going to poke her or screech at her but Mom already has the phone out to take a picture of the kids poking and screeching at the cute dog. 

     "What kind is she?" Mom asks. Gidget is a purebred Eurasier, which is in the Spitz family. Her breed is part Samoyed, part Chow Chow and part Keeshond. A little bit European, a little bit Asian, a little bit country and a little bit rock & roll. "How old is she?" She is seven, but I found out that each dog year is not really seven human years, but a complicated logarthim where the first year is equal to about 14 years and then, after the second year you multiply your dog's age by four and then add 21. If your dog lies about its age you'll need a slide rule.

     Some things you should know about a Eurasier: They love cats, and I wouldn't be surprised to find the cat sitting on the dog's lap, except that it's hard to locate a lap on a dog, even when it's sitting down. A Eurasier is also fussy about its food and sometimes won't eat for days when it's on vacation. When I leave the restaurant I ask for a "doggy-bag," and I actually have to give it to the doggy. She still won't eat it until she sees how angry I am that I'M not eating it.

     She's pretty well-trained, and I'm not quite sure how she got that way since it doesn't run in the family. However, she won't respond to traditional words like "come" or "heel" or "lie down" or any of the commands that my Dad used to use on us around the house. It would be too confusing if my wife said "fetch" and Gidget and I point to each other and say, "I think she's talking to YOU." It's easiest to train a Eurasier to do things she might be inclined to do anyway. We've taught her the commands, "IGNORE!" and "LICK!" and "YAWN!" and she has done so well that I can almost see her as a service dog, as long as you don't mind doing the actual services.

     Not sure how she'd do as an emotional support dog, because she is quite sensitive and will shiver at the sound of loud noises, even at a Medicare health plan commercial if Joe Namath is shouting about PLAN C COVERAGE. You have to be careful not to watch a movie with her that does not have a happy ending. Come to think of it you'd better handle the emotional support part yourself.

     She is very intelligent. We're teaching Gidget to pick her toys out of her toybox and bring them over to us while we're watching TV. I say, "Gidget, give me Squeakie," and (if it's the one on top) she'll bring us Squeakie for the price of one treat. She has a particular toy, I don't know what it's supposed to be but it looks like a stuffed coronavirus. I say, "Gidget, give me the coronavirus," and she'll give it to me faster than a Qanon conventioneer.

     She doesn't shed a lot, but before our Super Bowl party Gidget went to the beauty parlor to get her hair cut and styled, a mani-pedi and a shampoo. It costs my wife an arm and a leg to get the same stuff done, and remember, Gidget has two arms and two legs so do the math. I don't know if they exfoliate my dog while she's there, but I foliate her beforehand to make sure I get my money's worth. When she comes back from the doggy day spa both ends of her look remarkably similar and equally attractive.

     She's a great companion and seems almost human sometimes, only without the downside; she doesn't eat garlic, never mentions any issues with my hair and she literally NEVER says "literally." I'll give you one more piece of advice, which is that it really is best to let sleeping dogs lie, because when they're awake they always tell the truth.