AMERICAN IDLE

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (08-25-22)- Please remember small business in your town during this coronavirus pandemic

 

      Some people would tell you that there's nothing worse than killing time. Time is money, after all, and you wouldn't kill money, would you? Others would tell you there's nothing more satisfying than just doing nothing. Trying to figure out who's right is a waste of time. But now that Americans have tendered their resignations in unusually high numbers, many people are going to have a lot more time on their hands, and they're going to have to figure out what to do with it. Almost 48 million workers quit their jobs in 2021, and while many of them hired on with new employers, others have since taken a satisfying position on the couch.

     What do you do to pass the time? I used to spend hours doing Sudoku, because there are so few number puzzles where you only need to know how to count to nine. I got better at them, and then I found harder ones so that I could waste even more time while accomplishing less, which seemed like keeping with the target objective. My wife finally got me a Sudoku book with puzzles so complicated that it took me a week to finish one, and I congratulated myself from my padded cell while an orderly waited to give me my medication.

     Since then I have limited myself to completing crossword puzzles, because I have convinced myself that there is an educational component to them. You can learn words that don't usually come up in normal conversation, if you expect people to converse with you more than once. The word "Eno" comes up in a puzzle every day, and it's the name of an extremely innovative musician. He'd probably love to be remembered for something other than his ground-breaking work on 94-Down.

     Just the other day the clue was, "One of the Spice Girls," and I wracked my brain trying to remember their names. I'm pretty sure there was a "Dances Better Than She Sings Spice" and a "Really? Look Who's Talking Spice," and a "No One's Ever Noticed Either One of You Spice," but those didn't fit. I took a casual glance at the Spice rack, which reminded me to go check the one we have in our kitchen. Maybe their reunion didn't last long and maybe their act hasn't aged that well, but "Old Spice" didn't fit either. I put "Eno" in as the answer, it's not like anyone is checking my work.

     Another thing I like to do when I have nothing to do is scroll down the internet news. I don't think you can call these wasted moments, because it's informational and keeps me up on current events. One current event I totally caught up on today is that "Alessandra Ambrosio Looks Like a Mermaid Rocking an Aquamarine Bikini in Montenegro." Which IS informational because I looked up where Montenegro is on the off-chance that she might still be rocking there. I also had no idea that mermaids could even wear a bikini.

     My spare time is definitely better spent now than when I was a kid. I remember sometimes being bored at home, and I was not allowed to take a car even though we had two (I was 12 but I could reach the pedals). I would ask my mother what there was to do. Her suggestions were not helpful, they were bland ideas like why don't you clean your room (if I cleaned my room I'd never be able to find anything), or why don't you write thank-you notes for your Christmas presents (it was July), or why don't you play with your pet (I had a snake) or doesn't your friend have a house over by the quarry why don't you drop in (she never said that but she must have thought it)?

     I sometimes see people on the train typing away on a laptop, and I assume that they're members of a think tank, adding more thoughts to try and fill it up to the top. But when I look over their shoulder, they're playing computer solitaire. What fun is winning at a game if the person you beat is YOU? 

     What is your guilty pleasure? Not everyone has the same definition of "wasting time." Some parents tell me that their kids sometimes play online games for hours. It seemed like a senseless waste of time to me until I found out how much money a professional gamer could make with sponsorship deals. Having my employer pay me to do something I think is a waste of time is a career goal of mine. "Free time" is what a lot of people have now, since no one is paying them for it. I would tell you my guilty pleasure, but I may take a plea bargain the jury reaches a verdict.