THE THRILL OF IT ALL

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (06-29-23)

 

     The chilling plight of the five submariners attempting to tour the wreck of the Titanic has me afraid that our quest for danger has taken us into situations that we don't have a whole lot of practice getting out of.  

     In this world there have always been people who are compelled to try to push the envelope, and then there are those like me who are content simply to lick the envelope. I do not want it to lick me first. In 1912 just boarding the Titanic for a trip to New York from England was already daring. For that matter, traveling into Manhattan by subway in the early 1980s was enough to risk your life, depending on the time of day. If you boarded the Titanic and noticed that the vessel carried 20 lifeboats, you had to know that there was some risk involved. Four of the lifeboats were collapsible, for those who wanted to court danger even as they were being rescued.

     I'm not what you would consider a "daredevil." My relationship with the devil is pretty good and I'd like to keep it that way. If I dare the devil, it's something minor, like I bet he can't eat all those French fries. And we don't even put any money on it. I feel like I'm looking danger straight in the face if I don't heed the safety instructions that come with a new toaster. I may attempt to dislodge food WHILE toaster is plugged into electrical outlet, AND I may leave toaster unattended during use.

     I can accurately gauge the inherent danger in any activity by measuring the length of the waiver form I am required to sign before being allowed to attempt it. I carefully read all the clauses of the liability disclaimer before attaching myself to a zipline designed to propel me through the Amazon jungle and then through a brick wall: "I agree to indemnify the indemnicatee against all judgements, fees, expenses and litigation caused by the participation of any equitablity involved in the parties named in this agreement or any other agreement signed by those explicitly mentioned within the provisions therein. I therefore absolve those parties of any responsibility for the irresponsible thing I'm about to do." Sounds pretty safe.

     There are now just so many more ways available for me to put myself in harm's way than there ever were before. And I'm the type of person that if harm sees me in it's way, it's not going to bother to go around me. It's getting easier and easier to do something that most of us would have considered stupid 20 years ago, and some of us consider even stupider today. "Okay, everyone who's interested in going to the Moon, sign up on the sign-up sheet. You WILL NEED A PERMISSION SLIP. Melén, are you going?" "Why on EARTH would I do THAT?" "Well actually, we haven't found any good reasons here on Earth, and that's why we're going."

     I once had a cat named Pookie who was a cat-daredevil. My wife loved her and she loved my wife and I love my wife, but the cat and I barely tolerated each other. She used to sun herself on our 8th storey balcony when we lived in an apartment. That wouldn't be so perilous, except that she used to sit on the three-inch concrete overhang that was outside the safety railing. She didn't do it for her own benefit. She did it because she knew it would put me in the uncomfortable position of having to baby-talk to it in a sweet coaxing voice to get her to come inside, and she was just laughing at me. She must have forgotten who she was dealing with, because the minute I started explaining to my wife my complicated plan to retrieve her, she came right back through the railing because she already knew the ending. "WOW how amazing that your cat survived a fall off your balcony." "Well actually she was fine until we rescued her."

     I only hope that there's a better reason than that for, say, jumping out of an airplane. It used to be that performing a stunt in front of your friends was enough for people to notice you. But through social media, the number of "friends" has increased exponentially, and so has the size of the stunt. It's no longer relevant that sane people call you crazy, now it's only worth talking about if CRAZY people call you crazy. If I'm going to jump out of a plane, let it be for the really good reason that there were no direct flights. 

     It seems to me that people were built to last a lifetime. I just don't want to make that lifetime any shorter than it needs to be by doing something reckless. The word "reckless" is an unnecessary irony if there is indeed a wreck. I've heard people say that "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." People may have  heard ME say that what doesn't kill you usually REALLY, REALLY HURTS.