POWER POINTS

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (01-29-26)

    I read that China is developing a pair of huge reactors to harness nuclear fusion, a nascent power source that could possibly change the trajectory of human existence and reverse the effects of global warming. We would be working on that here in America too, but right now we have some other important things to do, like tearing down the East Wing of the White House to build a ballroom. And before you know it the President will have bigger balls! 

     So what is nuclear fusion? I'll lay it out for you, because it's not exactly rocket science, which I don't understand either. When two atomic nuclei combine to form one heavier nucleus, it releases energy. Think of Taylor Swift's marketing machine joining up Travis Kelce's NFL juggernaut. Producing and tapping the energy is the challenge; you need to warm the atoms to a temperature hotter than the sun, create plasma, and hold it in that state for long enough to channel the power. Pretty much the same stuff Taylor and Travis do on a daily basis. If you succeed though, the rewards include no nuclear waste or possibility of nuclear meltdown as compared to traditional nuclear fission, using a source plentiful on Earth. 

     It turns out that artificial intelligence needs much more power than regular intelligence. All you need for regular intelligence is a nap once in a while, some iron-rich nutrients and several Kit Kat bars, and you can stir up enough brain cells to formulate an idea. There are no guarantees it will be a good one, but at least try. On the other hand, Apple is expected to spend $500 billion on AI data centers in the next four years, and to power them, it's projected that they will use as much electricity as 22 percent of American households. 

     That demand alone is what may be driving an accelerated push to find the next big energy source. Energy can be as simple as Ginger and Mary Ann pedaling a stationary bike to power Gilligan's Island, or it can get quite a bit more complicated. Solar power and wind power are pretty straightforward. But what if it's a cloudy day with no breeze, and Ginger and Mary Ann aren't speaking to each other because Mary Ann hits her head on a rock and gets amnesia and thinks she's Ginger but now she sings better in the talent show so Ginger is jealous? What were we talking about again? Oh yeah- energy. The hydrogen fuel cell is another example of a technology that's on the horizon.

     Fuel cells work by feeding hydrogen molecules through an array of anodes, cathodes and electrolytes, causing the electrons and protons to do a dance almost identical to the "Beer Barrell Polka," which results in the induction of power as well as heat and water. If you think this is a over-simplification, clearly you have never tried to do the "Beer Barrell Polka." 

     Geo-thermal power is an up-and-coming technology that's up and coming right out of the ground. A geo-thermal installation doesn't create power, it simply gives existing systems a head start by sinking a pipe far enough into the Earth to tap the consistent 50-degree temperatures below the surface, heating winter air to a warmer baseline, or cooling summer swelter to the same starting point.

     I have a friend who had solar panels put on his roof that charge an array of batteries to power his home. And whatever power he doesn't use he can sell back to the grid for what seems to me like a paltry amount. I asked him, aren't there any other grids you can sell it to? Shop it around? Maybe sweeten the deal with some coupons or something. I hear that women love a man who has a lot of power. 

     My only problem with that whole idea is that I hate things that run on batteries. They always give out at the most inopportune moments. What if that PSA comes on television, and the batteries for my remote control are out-of-office? You know the PSA, the one with the kid with the shrill voice who just won't give it a rest, who makes me feel guilty for wanting to bust him over the head with a four day-old loaf of Italian bread. Or what if I'm stuck on a desert island, and I only have THREE CD's, which I chose beforehand (Black-eyed peas? I should have spent more time on this) and a plane flies overhead and I don't have enough candlepower in my flashlight to get its attention?

     We tend to take power for granted until something happens and the lights go out. I bought a gas generator for our house that has a pull cord to start it when there's a bad nor'easter. I didn't get the electric-start model NOT because I'm so cheap (as long as I'm not under oath), but because I just KNOW I'd only remember to charge the battery when the power was out and it was too late. Anyway, I only have so many amps to choose from, and I have to decide between the hot tub and heating the house. I think I made the right choice. 

     I remember as a kid seeing a tag on electrical appliances that said "Approved By the Underwriters Laboratories." I imagined that they performed a battery of tests on, well, a battery, perhaps, and when they were done, wrote something under it. Like maybe, "Your battery's okay." Now this service is performed under OSHA, an arm of the Government, which is not reassuring, especially now. But luckily, electrical products undergo much more rigorous testing under the "reviews" section at Amazon.

THE YEAR IN REVIEW- 2025

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (01-15-26)

    Some people complain that they have no reliable source for important news. The following article will prove that they DO an unreliable source for unimportant news, which is even un-better. Here are the top stories of 2025:

LABUBU BALLOON DEBUTS AT PARADE
A stuffed plush toy from China named Labubu became so popular last year that it had its own 16-foot inflatable at Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. The misbehaving mini-monster is now ALL the rage, supplanting the Chase 'N Go Ball Popper, which is now only SOME the rage and hopefully less painful than the name suggests. What exactly is a Labubu? It has fur, sharp teeth, is sometimes cute and gets into all kinds of mischief. Well, you're thinking, same goes for my cat. Yes, but the Labubu will not throw up on your newspaper, so I would be worried if I was a cat. I'm not sure what "Labubu" means in Chinese, but in French it means "The bubu."

SCIENTISTS MAKE DISCOVERY STUDYING MICROSCOPIC ANIMAL DROPPINGS
Researchers at Dartmouth College have found that coating the surface of an algae bloom with clay dust greatly increases the amount of carbon ingested by microscopic zooplankton who then defecate the material far below water's surface. The hope is that these micro-poops could thereby reduce the introduction of carbon into the atmosphere. A microscopic zooplankton, reached for comment said, "THIS is what scientists are doing? Following us around with a microscope while we do our business?" The discovery also proves that carbon footprints are not always made with one's feet.

SWAN BLOCKS TRAIN, CAUSES CANCELLATIONS
Train service to and from Glasgow Central Station was disrupted for several hours due to a swan wandering onto the tracks. It only illustrates what I've been saying all along: It's become SO annoying to fly that even birds would rather just find another way to get there. Apparently this is not the first time it has happened, and since the swan is a protected species, railway workers have undergone special training to remove them. Swans can be aggressive when threatened, so they must be handled with care. Approach the waterfowl slowly, keeping it low to the ground, covering it with blanket if necessary. Idle threats and insults should be avoided, especially referring to its beak as a "pecker." 

“CROCODILE” SON WINS DANCE SHOW 
Late television star Steve Irwin's son Robert hoofed his way to reality show victory ON "Dancing with the Stars" last year. His animal-advocate gene pool suggests an unfair edge, with advanced knowledge of the "bunny hop," the "funky chicken," the "duckwalk" and the "mouse." Steve Irwin is remembered as a beloved naturalist who was mortally attacked by a poisonous sea creature. I also know what it's like to heroically face the dangers of the natural world, having once survived an altercation with a cactus in which the cactus won.

KATY PERRY IS LAUNCHED INTO SPACE
Pop icon Katy Perry hobnobbed with actual celestial stars when she joined a flight that ascended above the Earth's atmosphere for eleven minutes, coincidentally the same amount of time it takes me to throw up in a spacecraft 27 times. Afterwards, when she referred to herself as an "astronaut," I was diplomatic enough not to suggest that the title of "space cadet" may have been more appropriate. By the way, why hasn't anyone thought to launch Miss Universe into space, just to make absolutely sure that she is the prettiest in the entire galaxy?

WOMEN SPEAK 3,000 MORE WORDS THAN MEN
Findings from a University of Arizona study found that women between the ages of 25 and 65 speak an average of 3,000 more words a day than men. Deeper analysis will probably show that most of those 3,000 words are the same ones, such as "idiot," "salad," "hormones," "DUH," "there's no way I'm wearing that" and "can I PLEASE just get 1,000 words in edgewise?" Another theory is that men are physically unable to talk while eating something off a woman's plate that she was within inches of stabbing with her fork.

PLANE CRASH-LANDS ON TOP OF TOYOTA
A small Beechcraft plane attempted an emergency landing in Florida, atop a car traveling on I-95. All participants in the crash escaped with only minor injuries, and the occupants of the plane even received their luggage faster than usual. It all sounds like an amazing stunt that Tom Cruise could do in his sleep, which is certainly the best time to attempt it. I do all my own stunts, too, like the time I bicycled down a set of steps by mistake at a park in Germany (true), and went hintenplatz at the bottom, on my bottom.

UNIVERSITY STUDENTS FAIL AT BASIC MATH
A new report from UCSD has revealed that the number of students placing below first-year algebra has tripled over the past five years. Tripled means, got to third on a base hit, although I think there's also a mathematics definition for it. That puts these collegians at less than an 8th grade level, and at risk of being grounded for two weeks by their parents. The last thing I remember passing in math was a test on the multiplication tables, which technically is pre-calculus. I was pretty good at English and pretty bad at math, which meant that I couldn't put two and two together, but at least I could read the writing on the wall.

Happy new year, everyone, and stay happy, healthy and well-informed!