PLAYING FOR KEEPS

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (12-09-21)- Please remember small business in your town during this coronavirus pandemic

     I was out and about last weekend and stopped by a local drinking establishment to hear some live music. I was pleasantly surprised to hear a semi-jazzy quartet with some very fine players, and a couple alternating vocalists on hand when needed. I thought I recognized one of the guitarists, and I won't mention his name in case he owes anybody money (Bernie Williams). I'll just say it like this: I've been in a lot of bands in my day, even at night, and I've played with many talented lead guitarists. Has any of them ever won a batting title? A World Championship? One stinking gold glove? I've been the first bassman in many of those bands and I haven't either.

     People will sometimes tree a celebrity when she's out just trying to unwind and have a little fun, or hound him for an autograph. It's as if people feel that the time they invested adoring someone entitles them to a proportional amount of annoyance. What do people actually do with someone's signature on a slightly used napkin? I've put my own signature plenty of places I shouldn't have, and lived to regret it. I once won a box of Wheaties with Michael Jordan's picture on it and also his autograph. I've kept it for 20 years thinking that it might be worth something and I still have it, even though there have been hungry breakfast episodes with nothing in the fridge when that box of stale Wheaties would have been worth more to me than a stale autograph.

     You probably won't believe this but I'm a little shy, and I could never go up to a celebrity and start chatting away or ask for an autograph. But I wanted to say something nice to Bernie Williams, because I have great respect for him as a Yankee (not just as a baseball player), and a newfound appreciation for him as a musician. I wanted to ask just one simple question: "Hey Mr. Williams may I call you Bernie how about Mr. Bernie are you bald by choice if so who's choice I loved you as a center-fielder maybe not loved you but you know what I mean and is it harder to catch the ball with a gold glove how does it feel to have your own monument I guess it must be monumental ha ha and did you ever want to step on Steinbrenner's toe sort of by mistake and was it hard to leave the game I'm not talking about the traffic and do you find it just as rewarding to have a hit on guitar as at bat and did I leave anything out?" And I picture him answering politely, "Yes."

     If I were Bernie Williams I would have been just as tongue-tied meeting Bruce Springsteen, who performed "Glory Days" with him on his second record. Every athlete secretly wants to be a performer, and every performer secretly wishes they were an athlete. And by secretly I mean they are sometimes overheard secretly yelling, "I WISH I WAS AN ATHLETE!" The other guys on my doubles court are kind of sick of hearing me yell that myself, but they secretly wish I was an athlete too. 

     Bernie Williams has had the best of both worlds, and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Sometimes you hear of an athlete who is constantly in the news, doing or saying something embarrassing, usually while dressed in a loud, ill-fitting suit with idiotic-looking tattoos (the athlete not the suit). And my wife will say, "Here's a guy who has everything, why does he need to be such a jerkwad?" And I try to give him the benefit of the doubt, because an athlete has to always believe that he's better than everyone else in order to keep a competitive edge. Bernie Williams may believe he is better than everyone else too, I have no idea. But I never once saw him act in any other way but with dignity and class, and I never once saw him in a loud, ill-fitting suit either. And if he has an idiotic-looking tattoo I would guess he's having second thoughts about it.

     "Glory Days" might be an apt phrase for so many ball-players who could not fathom that the team didn't pick up the final year of their contract. They might struggle with residual pains from injuries they got while making a play that no one remembers anymore, and they might miss the roar of fans as they walked onto the field. But you can't do any better after you retire from a job you love than to be able to express yourself in an entirely different way and yet say just as much.