SPECIAL TEAMS

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (11-17-22)- Please remember small business in your town during this coronavirus pandemic

     We attended our local high school's football game last Friday, a semifinal post-season meeting that could pave the way to a date at the State Championships. It was decidedly a one-sided affair as the home team dominated on both defense and offense. It was fun to sit in the stands and remember what it was like during those four years that formed so many friendships and forged so much foundation of character. You couldn't read any of that on those teenage faces, consumed by the gravitational pull of an iPhone, making absolutely sure not to hear Mom calling from up in the 12th row.

     I was surprised they even let me back onto high school grounds at all after what happened the first time. Growing up I was never known for my academic prowess, and I had to marshal all of my brain power just to escape from Horace Greeley with a 1.7 grade point average. My SATs didn't go much better. I heard that you got a hundred points just for signing your name, so I signed mine eight times.

     I did not go out for athletics when I was in high school, I was too busy trying to establish my budding career in rock & roll, which is still waiting to flower. Just the word "athletics" implied that I had to be athletic more than once, which seemed unlikely. "All right Melén," the coach would have said at tryouts, "why don't you show us what you can do." And I proceed to put both thumbs behind my knuckles, which not many people can do. Then I perform Chopin's "Minute Waltz" by slapping my cheeks in perfect tune and I bring it in in 58 seconds. I close with a very credible imitation of a family of pigs, papa, mama and baby. Tada! "That was a disturbing display, Melén, but what's any of that got to do with football?" "Nothing, Coach, but I'd like to see YOU try it." I was surprised to find that the Coach was also double-jointed and musically inclined.

     I wasn't strong or fast enough to be a fullback, a halfback or a quarterback. A sixteenth of a back would probably be my top offer, and let somebody else make up the difference. If none of those, what slot would I fill? I'm quite sure that my position would be offensive, much as most of my positions are now. Or maybe I would have tried out for nose tackle. It seems to me that if I could just get somebody's nose onto the ground, the rest of him should follow, if I'm doing it right. Place-kicker might have been the best fit for me, as long as I could choose the place.

     No matter if was sports, rock & roll or the debate team, it was all about attracting the attention of others. I've noticed that a fair amount of individuality is often revealed through teenage hair. I saw a lot of interesting dyes and cuts among the guys on the team. It's possible that when they get to be my age they'll look back on their personal style choices and think, wow, I was way ahead of my time. My time still hasn't caught up to me, considering I wear my hair pretty much the same way as I did then, and I'm pretty lucky to still have it around for people to complain about.

     If high school kids really were as smart as they think they are, they would shave just the top of their head, thin it out around the sides and color the rest gray. That way, 50 years from now they can post some throwback pictures on Facebook and let their stunned friends comment, "WOW! You're amazing! You look EXACTLY the same as you did then!"

     The cheerleaders stayed mostly over in the student section, but at halftime they wandered over to our area, and wherever they cheerled, we cheerfollowed. I expected that cheerleaders would be naturally cheerful, but they had a huge jug of Dunkin' Donuts coffee just in case the school spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.

     Looking at those young faces at the game, dashing by, in a determined rush to find somewhere more significant, grinding through these years as if they were just like any other, made me want to call out and tell them to slow down and capture these times into a snow globe, one that you can look at from the outside, turn upside down and let it settle slowly from chaos into order, only to be shaken again countless times.... But that's something that can't be taught; it can only be learned....