CHINESE FOOD FOR THOUGHT

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (12-07-23)

 

     The holidays are inching ever closer, and I've been toning up, hitting the gym pretty hard, working on my stamina and sharpening my elbows. Because soon I'm going to be in that store with YOU, and you and I will be racing for position when a new register aisle opens up, trying outsmart each other in the parking lot and competing for the last widget on the shelf. And I'm going to win, even if I have to break some of the Ten Commandments. I was chatting with my dentist recently, although he did most of the talking. I said things like "arrorragh," and "urrowowawa," but he seemed to agree with it. The dentist's office is just one more place where I can't keep my mouth shut.

     Anyway, my dentist mentioned that he tries to avoid buying anything from China. I'm not sure whether it's a political statement or that he just thinks that their products are inferior. I know that when Chinese President Xi visited the U.S. last month, probably much of the stuff that came out of his mouth President Biden wasn't buying either. It illustrates a mutual mistrust between the two super-powers that has only gotten worse over time. I only hope that countries that export chocolate will not mistreat their workers, because I would not survive a boycott.

     Distrust usually comes from misunderstanding, which often stems from lack of trying. But when President Xi had his recent summit with President Biden, they did manage to iron out a few things, such as cracking down on fentanyl labs, opening a dialogue about artificial intelligence and that the Golden Bachelor has made some weird choices. It's important to walk away from a summit with an agreement of some kind, because a summit seems like something you have to climb a lot of stairs to get to, and nobody wants to go through that more than once.

     A promise to engage in high-level discussions concerning military operations and artificial intelligence might not ever come to anything, but it represents a chance to at least try to understand what the other is up to, as long as nothing gets lost in the translation. I'm sure they were hoping for a bilateral agreement, but at least they ended up with two unilateral agreements. And they did agree to disagree.

     Even in the internet age of information, there are so many things that remain inscrutable about Chinese culture. The Taoist discipline, put forth over 2,500 years ago by Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, means as many different things as there are people to interpret it. Nature is complete, the doctrine tells us, and any attempt to master it must result in failure. One look at my lawn proves this to be true. 

     There are so many people in China, you'd think more illumination would leak out just by osmosis. But it remains a carefully monitored microcosm. I picture the country like a giant #6 train during rush hour: it's almost impossible to get in unless you were born there. I picture China so crowded that if even you were appointed a seat on the State Council, you would have to scramble to sit in it when the music stops, and whomever is still standing is eliminated.

     The issue of "human rights" comes up a lot when discussing China. But is America blameless? In certain parts of the country it is still illegal to alter a claw machine game so that it doesn't pick up any toys. In some places you can't honk your horn outside a sandwich shop after 9:00PM. And don't try to eat any frog that died in California after participating in a frog-jumping contest, or you could end up in jail AND suffer mild indigestion. So America, get off your high horse, and remember, you could be arrested for riding a horse drunk in Colorado, although it's perfectly legal for the horse to be drunk.

     Even the Chinese calendar is a mystery to me. The phases of the moon are divided into 12 parts, each represented by an animal that possesses certain attributes. We are currently in the year of the rabbit, which is associated with the element of water. Those born in the year of the rabbit are said to be affectionate, kind, gentle, compassionate, and merciful. Those sure don't sound like the qualities of the rabbit that attacked my vegetable garden.

     I don't know if you can or should avoid Chinese goods when you do your Christmas shopping, but that doesn't mean we accomplished nothing today. Lest you think that this column is somehow not worthy of your time, Kong Qiu, better known to the world as Confucius, possibly said it best when he said, "Fine words are seldom associated with true virtue."