DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (12-21-23)

 

     Christmas is certainly the holiday with the best soundtrack, and all that music, with its references of snow, cozy firelit family-oriented gatherings and giving, extends to everyone of any culture and creed who feels like celebrating. No matter what you have to be thankful for or whom you have to be thankful with, music will help you do it. And by the time you've heard "Carol of the Bells"

     My favorite winter date night is two seats at Garrison Keillor's Prairie Home Companion at the Town Hall on 43rd Street. When I visit the town hall in any other city it's usually for a different reason, but paying for a ticket is one thing the two experiences have in common. The Prairie Home Companion in December has a healthy dose of Christmas songs, droll radio-style skits about winter in New York City and some fun poked at those in need of it. I'd guess there are some who have red marks from getting fun poked at them so many times over the years.

     On hand was Ellie Dehn, an opera soprano, which reminded me of my Mom who was always trying to get me to embrace opera music by playing "Die Fledermaus" on the record player and wafting it over in my general direction with her hands. It didn't make me like opera but it did make me love my Mom even more. I still don't know why they need all that heavy vibrato, like you're trying to sing while driving over railroad tracks.

     At the end of the evening we all sang "Silent Night" together, all 1,495 of us not counting the performers. The irony of how any newborn Savior is supposed to sleep through that was not lost on me. Garrison Kiellor was smart enough not to let the soprano start it in some ridiculous key only she could sing. A song cannot choose its writer, and classics will be classics even though they they might contain some weird references. But I can't help thinking that "tender and mild" better describes a habanero pepper.

     I remember when I was a kid and our neighbor Mrs. Goldsmith led us around the neighborhood singing Christmas carols, even though she was Jewish. She liked the songs kept a Christmas tree and didn't take things too seriously. I'm not sure if you could get away with caroling in this day and age; people are naturally suspicious that anyone who makes contact with them in any way is somehow angling for a sales opportunity. In those days you might even get some cookies, but now? "Ma'am, do you mind if I run a couple tests on the cookie first? I'm an ovo-lacto vegan with gluten and nut allergies, and I only eat free-range baked goods that have not been experimented on animals." "Don't worry, it's made of plastic."

     The theater staff at the Town Hall might have been wondering what all that Tupperware was for when they searched my knapsack on the way in, but I'm sure they've seen a lot weirder stuff than that. Some of the other stuff in my knapsack, for instance. I needed it because afterward we went next door to our favorite Italian restaurant, and even though we split one meal it's still way too much food to finish unless it's 2:00 in the morning and you're alone and no one is watching and you make last-minute plans to run a triathlon the next day. 

     Not everywhere was there holiday harmony. There were tears flowing all around us at the restaurant. We were surrounded by two couples out on their own date nights on either side of us, and emotions among the women were running high. They may have been tears of sorrow or tears of joy, but at least they weren't bored to tears. The couple on our right looked like they might have been visiting New York from another country, and I couldn't read how the evening was going. Words were exchanged, voices were raised, makeup was running, and there was literally a bone to pick. She took her fork and moved it toward his face, but he opened his mouth and swallowed whatever was on it in a deft defensive move. On our other side was clearly a fight, which seemed pretty serious until dessert arrived. Closing arguments were concluded and a verdict was reached and a banana was the only thing that was split. I swear there are some couples who like to break up deeply just so it takes longer to make up.

     But for us, nothing beats a date night in New York City at Christmas time. Walking back to Grand Central you could see the twinkling lights down 6th Avenue. It turned out to be an ambulance, but even if all you give someone for Christmas is a cold, it's the thought that counts.