HOUND DOG MONOLOGUE

 ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (06-01-23)

 

     If you want to meet some of your neighbors and their canine friends, there's no better way to do it than to support the important work of the SPCA by walking in the annual Dog Walk at FDR Park in Yorktown. My dog Gidget can always use a little socialization herself, since she doesn't get a chance to interact with other dogs very much. So I welcomed the opportunity to let her introduce herself to some other four-legged friends, and one or two who had only three legs.

     It's been proven that pets can have a very positive effect on peoples' well-being. According to counselor Dr. Larena Davis, “Ancient Greeks found that horses appeared to lift the spirits of those very ill.” My dog recently lifted my spirits when I was down, wouldn't give them back and ran out the door with them and buried them in the back yard. But it's the thought that counts.

     There were quite a few pets and some vendors set up in the meet-and-greet area. There was a temporary tattoo booth, that was for dogs. Gidget was partial to the kind you would get in prison, so we moved on. There was face painting, that was for people. I wanted mine done like a Picasso, so we moved on. There was a free tee shirt, that was for people. I take size extra-medium. There was a sign-up sheet for an obedience class. I'm not sure if that was for dogs or people, but when someone told me to sign up, I didn't, so maybe I should have. There was a booth with a veterinarian, and whenever I see a vet I thank him for his service.

     Gidget is a Eurasier, which is a breed not prone to excessive barking. So who do you think was the only dog barking at this event? She barked at dogs that were far away, thinking that they wouldn't bother to walk all the way over to ask what was her problem. She was just barking out insults and asking for trouble. One dog was wearing a bow tie for some reason, and Gidget had something to say about that. Another dog looked and walked like a skunk and Gidget didn't let that go. There was a Whippet, and she had a little gibe about that too.

     A dog came over to Gidget and got into the "submissive pose," but if it was me I would want to know exactly what I was submitting to beforehand, possibly in writing. The owner said, "Look, she wants to play!" And I said, "Gidget likes to play, but she prefers Scrabble."

     Making friends is much the same for people as for dogs, although instead of sniffing around when you bend over, I'll just ask, "How ya doing?" I think we can both agree on that. Instead of wagging my tail, I'll just give you a smile that could light up a room. If neither of us are wagging our tails, You'd better just use the light switch.

     Gidget had made a friend, so I listened in on their conversation. "What kind is that you have there?" And Gidget replied, "Oh I guess he's mostly Swedish but basically a mutt. He has kind of a quirky disposition. He's barely paper trained but at least he recycles it after he reads it." "Omigod he has such a beautiful coat. Does it shed?" "No it's leather." "How old is he?" "He's 9, but he looks younger, doesn't he? With that cute puppy face. Shaves his whiskers." "So adorable. What's his name?" "His name is Rick, but he only answers to 'Woof' for some reason." "Has he had all his shots?" "I think so, he had six of them last night and it seemed to cure everything that was wrong with him, until today of course."

     The SPCA introduced some of the candidates that were up for adoption, and it was a little like "The Dating Game" for dogs. "This is Sparky! He loves rainy days, Haiku poetry, romantic dinners, eating grass and drinking from the toilet bowl." I asked the contestant, "Sparky, if you could be a candy bar, what kind would you be, and why?" I thought it was a meatball question but he didn't pick me.

     Finally it was time for the walk, and since I still have a broken foot with a walking boot on, I'm moving kind of slow these days. I don't even think I could keep up with the Kardashians. In the event of a slug fest it might even be over by the time I got there. That may be one too many jokes on the subject, but anyway the walk was not arduous and I let my little sled dog pull me along a little. Gidget was happy to do it and we had a bonding moment. I told her I loved her and I was glad I didn't get a service dog, even though it would have helped me in tennis. She said she loved me too and was sorry she threw up in my new car. You WHAT?