RICKSTER IS THE COLUMNIST FOR THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION, "THE SOMERS RECORD"

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Friday, February 9, 2018

WHERE THERE’S SMOKE THERE’S A FRYER

SPECIAL TO THE SOMERS RECORD (10-26-17)

     We stopped by the Somers Fire Department Annual Open House last Saturday to check in with our local fire-fighting professionals who keep us safe day after day, and sometimes at night. After making sure I didn't park in front of a hydrant or anything, we got out of the car and immediately noticed some smoke coming from the rear of the firehouse. My wife asked one of the fire-fighters if he knew there was a fire in the back of the building. "Yes, we started it!" He exclaimed as he rushed by toward the smoke.

     He didn't seem at all embarrassed, and I told my wife that it was probably a brush fire started by a hairbrush placed too close to a hairdryer or something. Bravely, I continued on into the firehouse to check in with Jody, the Somers Fire Chief. He informed me that one of the things they do during Open House is a controlled burn in a specially constructed house designed to demonstrate how fires start, where they start and how quickly they spread.

     Chief Jody is also the Fire Inspector. He told me that you should have a smoke detector within 10 feet of all sleeping areas. I'm pretty sure that includes the conference room at work where I get most of my REM sleep. He went on to say that soon smoke alarms will have a lithium-ion battery in them that lasts 10 years. When the battery is about to die, it beeps and you just throw it out and get a new one. If it contains the same lithium-ion battery that bursts into flames in hover-boards and e-cigarettes, it will certainly cut out the middle-man, but I'm sure they'll get that straightened out.

     At Open House they touch on other fire safety subjects, too. For instance, you should have your chimney cleaned regularly by a qualified professional. We had ours cleaned a while back, and I was expecting a British bloke with a top hat who could sing and dance. Instead this really tiny guy appeared, who looked like he might have been nesting there all along. In case he wanted to break into a couple numbers, I started him off with a little "Chim Chim Cher-ee," but he just asked where the bathroom was in a language I couldn't understand, possibly English.

     Did I ever tell you about the time I burnt down our kitchen? I was living at home with my parents after college, and I was cooking some frozen French fries on the stove. Now, I don't know how they do things over there in France, but my technique was to let the oil pre-heat for a while, say, approximately until just before the house burns down. Luckily, something told me to drop what I was doing and check back in on the pre-heating process, which had progressed all the way to the conflagration stage. That something was my Dad, yelling at me to call the fire department and get the extinguishers.

     Chief Jody told me that's about the dumbest thing you can do, trying to fight anything more than a little flare-up with a fire extinguisher. Just get out, he said, get your loved ones out, and let the fire-fighters do their job. I can think of something even dumber, which is a specialty of mine: fighting fire with fire. Whose bright idea was that? Thank god the fire extinguisher manufacturers didn't buy into that idea.

     The most important safety feature that there is is common sense. There is a goofy scene in the movie "Gravity" where George Clooney propels himself through space using a fire extinguisher. It's just the sort of thing Clooney would do. Thank god that when I was busy not using common sense and leaving something unattended on a heated stove, that George Clooney hadn't made off with our fire extinguishers to go gallivanting around in the solar system.

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