THE BLUE DANUBE, PART I

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE SOMERS RECORD (06-09-22)- Please remember small business in your town during this coronavirus pandemic

     This week I'm coming to you from a cruise on the beautiful blue Danube River, the second-longest river in Europe only to the Volga. I would tell you the source of the Danube, but as a journalist I cannot reveal my sources. But first we had to get on a plane, and I'm a little out of practice.

     We had to schedule a covid test before our flight, so I was on pins and needles waiting for the results. Since I hadn't been feeling like myself for about a week I was concerned, but luckily, whoever I WAS feeling like didn't have covid. It was probably just the pins and needles. When we got to the airport there was a sign that said, "Cannot Scan Multiple Faces," so if you're a two-faced scoundrel you might get through the line faster.

     I'm not one to spend a fortune on accomodations when I'm on vacation, and I don't think I've ever stayed at a hotel that was Michelin-rated. I'm not even sure my snow tires are Michelin-rated. But I did open up the piggy bank for this cruise, and it was worth it. Our vessel was a 190-passenger longboat with 50 crew. Because of the resurgence of covid, masks were required on board the ship when we were not eating. However, because of the abundance of food, we were almost always eating.

     We embarked from the city of Regensburg in Germany, a lovely place whose dubious claim to fame is that World War II ended just before it was to be bombed. The Stone Bridge across the Danube there was begun in 1135 AD and is a wonder of medieval architecture. It has 16 arches and is over 1,000 feet long, and it's a great place for a selfie and a view of the city. It took 11 years to build, maybe because they were trying to get Mexico to pay for it.

     St. Peter's Cathedral is an impressive example of authentic gothic style, with its twin spires jutting almost 350 feet in the air. If you're lost, just look for the church in the distance, and if you're soul is lost, you can kill two birds with one stone. A church this beautiful puts a lot of pressure on the saint that it's named after- you'd better be cathedral-worthy. For all you saints out there hoping to get a nice church named after you, don't get a Spiderman tattoo, or walk around eating Cocoa Puffs from the box, or anything like that, or you're going to get stuck with a service station named after you on the turnpike. 

     Our next stop in Bavaria was Passau, known as the "City of Three Rivers:" the Inn, the Danube and the Ilz Rivers forming a confluence at the eastern end of the city. There are examples of cannonballs made of granite displayed around the city, possibly those used by the bishop against invading parties and even against the land-owning burgher class of their own territory. Historically, it's much easier to capture a bishop on a chess board, where he can only move diagonally. 

     The magnificent St. Stephen's Cathedral is a paragon of Baroque style, and boasts one of the largest organs in the world (which is itself one of the best boasts in the world). Passau prospered with the shipping of salt on the Danube. It's a testimonial to how important the Danube was to trade in Europe's early history, and also a testimonial to how boring the food was.

     And then it was back on board, cruising toward Vienna, stopping only for some of the 16 locks along the route. The Danube flows down from Regensburg toward Budapest, so in order to keep the river navigable, it is kept at different elevations. Watching the administration of the first lock is cool to watch, as you see the water pumped out and the boat sinking to the lower flow. The rest are simply dull, and I think it would save everyone a lot of time if these locks were shipped down to the Florida Keys where they could be opened faster.

     Stopping at Krems in Austria, we took an e-bike tour through the picturesque Wachau Valley. We had never ridden an e-bike before, and it took all the effort out of the equation so we could concentrate on seeing the sights. I was hoping to tour the Black Forest so that I could see cake in its natural habitat, but it was much farther west. I liked the tour so much I wonder if the exercise cycle we have in the basement comes in e-bike?

     We rode effortlessly through postcard setting. Picture in your mind a lovely vista, with stepped, hillside vineyards, seedlings already starting, ruins from a 12th century castle in the distance. Can you see it? See that thing in the corner? I'm not sure what that is, but we can edit it out later. I'll be back next week with part two of the travelogue!