Last week the Daily News crossword puzzle was based on a quip by Andy Rooney, and I had an unusual fantasy about him. Most of my unusual fantasies revolve around Andy Rooney, a young Teri Garr, or Carl Pavano. All my other fantasies are the usual kind. Anyway in my daydream we are crossing the street together (we both work in the same building, and we both have frequent business in the building across the street), and since we work in the middle of the block, there is no crosswalk, and it is a busy street in Manhattan. Anyway, in order to look like a big hero to my wife who will think I am acing the puzzle, I ask him what the quip was. He tells me the quote was, “Crossing the street in New York is great exercise for old people, providing they live through it.” And then of course he tells me, “But I never said that.” But since he is an older fellow and not too swift on his feet, he doesn’t see that a big bus is coming. The bus swerves to avoid him, and hits me, and I never get to finish the goddamn puzzle. Incidentally, Andy Rooney flew with the Eighth Air Force as a journalist on a bombing raid over Germany during World War II.
I don’t know what happened to the other seven air forces, but at this point the news can’t be good.
I don’t follow American Idol, and I would guess that many musicians have very negative feelings toward that show. American Idol presents a very homogenized picture of music to mainstream America, where singers are rewarded for advancing their own acrobatic vocal styles, instead of interpreting a song to its best advantage. The singer becomes more important than the song, which is an idea I disagree with. Anyway I saw an article on the guy who came in second, Adam Lambert, and the article said, “…questions of Lambert’s sexual orientation still remain…” I have a news flash for you: If questions of your sexual orientation still remain, you’re GAY! Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Not that there’s anything right with it either. It’s just as much of a mine field as straight relationships, if not more. And indeed where are we going as a society? All of a sudden if you have anal sex with another guy it’s gay? What is this? It’s tongue in cheek, that’s what it is, and by the way if MY tongue is in YOUR cheek, that’s gay.
Why anyone cares if gay people marry other gay people is beyond me. Nobody used to care when gay people married straight people. Even Dick Cheney came out of the closet and said he was actually in favor of gay marriage. In another fantasy of mine Dick Cheney is asked by his lesbian daughter to give her away at the wedding ceremony. He walks her down the aisle, but instead of giving her away charges a nominal fee. At the reception, somebody yells “Shots for everyone!,” but Cheney misunderstands and shoots some of the guests. No one is seriously hurt, only humorously. Incidentally, before becoming U.S. Vice President, Cheney was a five-time Representative from the state of Wyoming, and became House Minority Whip.
Which seems very racist to me. Even with a partially black president, it sometimes it seems we have not come so far at all.
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