Search The World... In Briefs!

Thursday, June 11, 2009



I understand that Governor David Paterson is blind, and that that prevents him from seeing how bad his beard really looks. Really the chaparral of Northern California looks more attractively landscaped. But doesn’t the fact that he is blind mean that his other senses are enhanced, and that he ought to be able to play the piano? Look at Stevie Wonder or Ray Charles (since they can’t look at you). Paterson should give it a whirl. It would increase his approval rating if he can come up with a hit. Incidentally, Paterson lost his sight at 3 months old from an ear infection that spread to his optic nerve.

I can play several instruments, all not that great, but keyboards is not one of them. I made a recording recently that needed keyboards, so I dragged out my Yamaha digital and went to work. But my hands immediately got confused and went into typing mode, which apparently is much different than playing mode. So the recording came out like crap, but in my defense, translated to typing, I played the words, “Dear Somers Town Court: I plead ‘Not Guilty’,” without even needing spellcheck. So HAH. (As I write this, I find it ironic that the word “spellcheck” is not recognized by spellcheck)


Since I turned 50 this year I have come to realize that the operative word in this common phrase is “turn.” It’s like my body was an open Tupperware container of roast beef that has been in the refrigerator for quite some time, and now it has finally TURNED. And all these stupid little ailments that have been waiting patiently have now come out to annoy me. And these are not respectable diseases or anything, but ridiculous things like busted tendon in my pinkie. Idiotic, of course, but quite debilitating in its own little way. Or recently I have been getting dizzy spells, like Paris Hilton, only not as long and not as HOT. Incidentally, Tupperware was invented by Earl Silas Tupper in 1946, who also patented the “burping seal.”

I’ve been to Sea World, and believe me, he did NOT invent it.


I was talking to my friend Glen the other day and he informed me that Japanese people wander around the streets with umbrellas open even if it’s not raining. I believe he is telling the truth in this case even though he is something of a kidder. Japanese people just seem to have a propensity to do weird things. Every time I see one of their game shows, it’s something like a guy in a monkey suit trying to dip a bound and gagged girl in a bikini hanging upside down from a bungee cord into a vat of Jello. I just made that up so if you go to Japan and see it on TV you’ll know where they got it from. Incidentally, Japan is an archipelago, made up of over 3,000 islands.

If they ever came up with their own salad dressing it would be three times better than the kind I currently use.

Provided by website-hit-counters.com site.

No comments:

Post a Comment