After spending the weekend at the Jersey shore I realize many things about myself. The first is that any ride at an amusement park that does not have a height requirement is not for me. I need the G-est of G-rated rides, preferably something where you ride inside a hippopotamus or a helicopter. I will not ride in a teacup; that’s for babies. Even the giant swing upset my stomach, and even more so after I went on it. Little children were laughing and having fun, and I was just trying to keep my insides inside. There was one little girl who was crying afterwards, the little wuss, at least I didn’t do that, but I did have to sit down for a few minutes.
There didn’t seem to be anything available for serious adults who want to go on a ride, but don’t want to spin, turn upside down, go sideways, up and down or make any sudden movements. Or even worse, for no good reason start going in the opposite direction than the one you started out in. One ride goes about 400 feet in the air, and with the modern technology of computer assisted hydraulics, drops you 399 feet, faster than the pull of gravity. Meanwhile, some of your organs, and your hat if you were wearing one, are still up there, and before they can think to come down, you are back up there to visit them. The ride is tremendously popular with people who love airplane turbulence, and who doesn’t?
We ended up on an electric train that wanders around the perimeter of the park at a speed slightly slower than you could walk it, and even that seemed a little scary to us. It was the same basic idea as a roller coaster; it rolled, it coasted, so sue us.
Incidentally, one of the first “roller coasters” in the U.S. was actually a tram car that delivered coal on a downhill track from Summit Hill, Pennsylvania to what is now Jim Thorpe. In the 1850s they charged 50 cents a ride to thrill-seekers, and probably considerably more to coal-seekers.
WORLD NEWS:
The aftermath surrounding Iran’s “election” is still making waves around the world. Sarkozy of France has called the results a “tragedy,” which I think is exactly what he called the Bush election. German Chancellor Merkel admonished the Iranians to “stop using violence against demonstrators and free imprisoned people.” Which makes no sense: if they are free how can they be imprisoned?
The press is on Obama’s case for not being stronger in denouncing the harsh treatment of protesters. They are reportedly using tear gas, which seems ineffective against people who are used to crying a lot. In Obama’s defense, he probably doesn’t want to offend anybody just yet, before he finds out who is actually going to be in charge. I think it’s a smart move- just wait it out. If Iran devises a nuclear bomb anytime soon, you don’t want to be in the position of having to say, “Hey! We were just kidding about all the election stuff!”
The government reminded the dissidents that protesting the elections is punishable by death under Islamic law. Which brings me to a great career choice for those people looking for a new beginning in the face of the struggling economy: Islamic lawyer. If you lose a case, and your client is executed, malpractice is pretty much out of the question. Also every day is like casual Friday, a robe and some headgear should do it- no tie.
Incidentally, “Sharia” is the term that refers to Islamic Law, which literally means “path to the water source.” About one out of four people in the world is Muslim, so whenever I am thirsty, and I forgot to bring a water, I find a group of at least five people, to be on the safe side, since I don’t like carbonated water, or water with a piece of lemon in it. One of them is sure to know where the water source is. I’m not as dumb as I look.
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