THE WORLD

THE WORLD

This GM bankruptcy is great for me and all taxpayers, since I have always wanted to own my own car company. Now, finally I can get things done the way I want them. For instance, why is there no control on my dashboard or any other dashboard for vent and defroster at the same time? If you live in the Northeast, every time it rains in November you either freeze your ass off or you can't see out the window. It's a hell of a choice. And another thing: What ever happened to the dedicated controls on my car stereo? Now one button controls everything, which means I have to pay attention, which I hate doing. Every time I think I am turning up the bass, I am actually adjusting the fade, and the guy in the back seat is yelling that it's too loud back there. Why is there a guy in my back seat??? Incidentally, General Motors began in 1908 as a holding company for Buick, which was a privately owned company.

I don't believe that government control of majority interests in Citicorp and General Motors is tantamount to socialism. On the other hand, I have noticed that in American politics these days, there is a "czar" for every branch. Coincidence??

SEX:

Madison Avenue has a long history of trying to identify our every want and need before even we ourselves know it. Then every ad agency adopts the same idea if that product happens to sell, thinking that they will also capture the magic. Somewhere close to the beginning of time, the saxophone was inexplicably decided upon as the "sexy" instrument. I find this objectionable. The saxophone to me sounds kind of farty, and sometimes squeaky. Neither of these traits is conducive to sex. I would vote to change the national "sexy" instrument to the oboe. Incidentally, the oboe is a double-reed horn, in which the reeds vibrate against themselves instead of the mouthpiece. This in itself is kind of hot.

Further, the "old people" instrument, ad agency-wise, has always been the clarinet. This is okay, but I would think the pipe organ is a better fit. Get old people used to the sound of it, since it's played often enough at funerals. Incidentally, the phrase "pulling out all the stops" comes from the playing of the organ, since a "stop" is a set of pipes that makes a certain sound, and organs have many such sets of pipes, and so, many different stops. If you pull them all out at once, you may actually wake the dead.


SPORTS:

Last night during the Yankee game Joba Chamberlain tried out an interesting new set of moves. For one thing, he made a hell of a play on a bunt pop up. While Posada was still trying to straighten out his legs in order to stand up, Joba leapt off the mound like a cat. Not like my cat, who, if you drop it from 4 feet up to see if it will land with 4 feet down instead lands on its head, then on its ass and stays there for 45 minutes until the sun shifts, but like a swift and agile cat. He lays out in the air completely perpendicular to the ground and snatches the ball on the way to a full face plant where his head bounces 7 or 8 times on the ground. Then Posada yells at him to get up and throw to second to complete the double play, the runner in motion on the play. He does so, then does a little routine that looked exactly like a "Rock-em, Sock-em Robot." "His BLOCK is knocked off!" "That's okay, just push it back on!" If Posada had been standing in front of him at the time he would be back on the disabled list right now... If he had reacted a hair sooner it might have been a triple play. Incidentally, there have been 677 documented triple plays in baseball history.

Provided by website-hit-counters.com site.